so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
