I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
