i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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