So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
