I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
