You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
