He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
where are you?
Hypothermia
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
