I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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