The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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