i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
