How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
