only if we run a train.
done.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
