I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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