I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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