So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
