I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You pole danced in your parka.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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