Umm I'm too high to move.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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