Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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