Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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