i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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