Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
