They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
