Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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