If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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