I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize