I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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