you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
