I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
