When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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