I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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