i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
