dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
