my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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