im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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