i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
