batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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