woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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