One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
