Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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