I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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