i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We are two peas in an std pod
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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