I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize