I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
