I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
