If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.