He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.