"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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