Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
