my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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