Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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