This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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