I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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