Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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