do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
