So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I party with great urgency now.
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