And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
