Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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