This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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