i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They took my balls.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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