Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
