i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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