so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
