Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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