My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i out mim tonsoeep
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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