Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
