I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
