We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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