just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum