i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?