my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
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we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that