Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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