that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
