New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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