When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
