guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
