you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
