So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
