Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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