Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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