You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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