Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
