5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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