u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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