he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we're making bets on your personal life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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