Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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