mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
