I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
