Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We're too hungover to prance.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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