There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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