You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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