His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
